As America’s bureaucratic swamp is being drained by the fearless engineers of DOGE spearheaded by Elon Musk, one identify rises above the remaining: Edward “BIG BALLS” Coristine.
Coristine, a superb coder, has been making waves in Washington. At simply 19, he’s already labored at Neuralink, has been noticed inside key authorities businesses, and just lately secured a senior adviser position on the State Division’s Bureau of Diplomatic Know-how—propelled by the media hysteria surrounding his moniker.
The leftist media, determined to smear him, has dug up his previous, highlighting controversies and accusing him of rubbing elbows with hackers.
New York Magazine reported:
Edward Coristine obtained his nickname by chance. In math class throughout his junior yr at Rye Nation Day Faculty, college students have been passing notes and, “when it obtained to him, he drew a phallic object and wrote BIG BALLS on it,” in accordance with a present upperclassman. “Then a math trainer took it out of his fingers and browse it out loud to the category. Then I suppose he embraced it as a result of he modified his LinkedIn identify to that.” Angad Sethi, one in every of Coristine’s finest pals from highschool, says, “To him, it was kind of speaking about having massive balls, being a risk-taker. That’s who he’s. It was a joke, but it surely does have a that means.”
Huge Balls is now a part of a revolution sweeping Washington, D.C., led by Elon Musk’s so-called Division of Authorities Effectivity, which in a collection of lightning strikes has shut down the U.S. Company for Worldwide Improvement, gained entry to delicate info on tens of hundreds of thousands of People, and initiated a purge of the federal workforce. A 19-year-old with a broccoli perm and piercing stare in his yearbook picture, Coristine has popped up in all places, demanding that staffers justify their jobs by explaining their largest “wins” and inquiring easy methods to change workers with AI and chatbots. By the tip of his first month, he was contained in the Departments of State and Homeland Safety, the Small Enterprise Administration, FEMA, and the highest cybersecurity company. He’s the youngest of a gaggle of six male engineers who work for Musk, sustained by pizza and Purple Bull. Beleaguered authorities workers have taken to calling their younger overlords “Muskrats.”
Coristine’s hometown of Larchmont, a rich, principally liberal enclave about an hour north of New York Metropolis, is an unlikely breeding floor for a right-wing foot soldier. His father, Charles, is a Wall Avenue veteran who bought the organic-snack firm LesserEvil in 2011 and turned it right into a behemoth with annual gross sales exceeding $100 million. (LesserEvil emailed customers “in gentle of latest occasions” to say that it’s in “no manner” affiliated with politics.) “His dad undoubtedly conjures up him,” Sethi says. And so does Musk: Coristine taught himself easy methods to code and skipped senior promenade to intern at Musk’s Neuralink, which develops brain-implantable pc chips. “It’s a obligatory factor for him to attain,” Sethi says.
For essentially the most half, Coristine was a standard teenager, wrestling and enjoying tennis, however he was a MAGA chief of the politics membership at a predominantly liberal faculty and had Musk-like ambitions that led him to put on his early rejections as a badge of honor.
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Coristine has been linked to the Com, a community of Telegram and Discord channels that capabilities as a free neighborhood for cybercriminals. In 2022, when he was 16, he misplaced a contract job as a system engineer at Path Community, a agency that markets safety from distributed denial-of-service assaults, allegedly for leaking company info to a rival firm. In a Discord chat a number of months later, Coristine didn’t explicitly deny the leak however chalked up his firing to company jealousy. “I used to be doing nothing contractually incorrect,” he wrote. “Paranoia ended up terminating me.”
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Earlier than he left highschool, Coristine established an internet-service-provider firm known as Packetware, which hosted a lot of domains he managed. The Substack Musk Watch discovered one in every of them, Tesla.Attractive, which marketed “pretend hyperlinks, plenty of cool domains, and results to place in your photographs for final shitposting.” When he registered a block of addresses for Packetware, Coristine wrote BALLERS within the description discipline.
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However what the mainstream media gained’t let you know is that Coristine is reportedly the descendant of a real Chilly Battle hero—a Soviet KGB officer who betrayed the communist machine for the reason for freedom!
The left’s head will certainly explode!
Based on an unbiased journalist Jacob Silverman, Coristine’s grandfather, Valery Martynov, was a KGB spy stationed in Washington, D.C., in the course of the Eighties.
However as a substitute of blindly serving the brutal Soviet empire, he made a alternative that outlined his legacy—he switched sides, working in secret with the FBI to undermine the Soviet Union’s intelligence operations.
His heroic resolution led to the publicity of significant KGB secrets and techniques and gave the US an edge within the Chilly Battle.
Based on Silverman, Martynov’s espionage profession got here crashing down when KGB counterintelligence officer Victor Cherkashin, with the assistance of CIA turncoat Aldrich Ames and FBI mole Robert Hanssen, uncovered his betrayal.
In a calculated lure, Cherkashin summoned Martynov again to Moscow in November 1985 beneath the guise of escorting defecting-then-redefecting KGB officer Vitaly Yurchenko. Upon his arrival, Martynov was instantly arrested, and after pleading responsible, he was executed on Could 28, 1987.
His widow, Natalya Martynova, later emigrated to the US with their two youngsters. Their daughter, Anna, married Charles Coristine, CEO and president of LesserEvil popcorn, making Edward their son and Valery Martynov’s grandson.
Stamford Advocate additionally reported on Edward’s dad and mom:
Coristine’s father, Charles Coristine, is CEO of LesserEvil snack meals firm in Danbury, because the Boston Globe reported. The Globe additionally reported that the youthful Coristine was a scholar at Northeastern College.
Edward Coristine is a principal for an organization known as Tesla.Attractive, amongst others, in accordance with enterprise data filed with the Connecticut Secretary of the State’s workplace.
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The enterprise is listed at an deal with in New Canaan owned by Charles Coristine and Anna Martynova, municipal property data present. Charles Coristine and Anna Martynova each have companies listed on the similar deal with. A lady who answered the cellphone at a quantity listed for Martynova hung up Wednesday after a reporter recognized himself.
In a video linked from an internet site for a yoga-like studio known as Breathe Motion Studio in Westchester County, New York, Martynova identifies as a local of Russia.
In fact, Elon Musk responded to this information with fireplace.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 22, 2025
